I barely remember being a child, and the humor that boys have with bathroom activities is not something that I was prepared for. Now, as a mother with two pre-school boys, it is impossible to ignore. Most of the time that my husband and I spend in the vehicle is spent listening to fart sounds and boys calling each other poppy heads while giggling. As humiliating as it is to admit though, we have had some hilarious bathroom episodes over the last couple of years. So, it’s time to explore a few of those hilarious moments.
Bathing and Pooping
The boys always took a bath together. One day when they were taking their bath, the oldest noticed something floating in the bathtub and bailed over the side yelling, “Yuck, there’s poop.” Apparently, warm water for an un-potty-trained child was too much. The youngest couldn’t hold it anymore. Of course, he cried as I drained the water and tried to fish out the evidence. Sad, but true, this wasn’t the only time he did it. In true epic parenting failure fashion, we’ve told them more than few times that a speck of dirt in the bottom of the tub was poop to get them out quicker.
Another time, I had taken the diaper off our youngest son and put his pants back on him. We had just finished supper, and I hated to waste a new diaper when he was going to take a bath as soon as I cleaned off the kitchen table. A couple of minutes later, I saw him standing in the living room shaking his leg. What did I find? A lump of green poo falling out of his pant leg and landing on the carpet.
After I quickly took a rag and cleaned up the mess, I deposited his pants into the washer and hustled him off to the tub. The stupid thing was that I then saw something on the back of his dining room chair and went to wash it off forgetting I’d used the rag to clean up the mess. It isn’t easy to get green pop out of the intricate designs on the back of our wood chairs.
Yuck! And, it didn’t smell good either. That mess took a lot of elbow grease and bleach to clean up. I still wouldn’t want to have it tested for fecal material. Another time, the same son was standing in front of his toybox, mind you, he was now potty trained, just out of the bath and peed on the floor.
Pooping Alongside the Road
As is apparent, we’ve had some exciting experiences with potty issues at home. However, we’ve had just as much fun on the road. We work forty-five minutes from home which has led to numerous emergency pit stops along gravel roads for both to pile out to go “pee.” Of course, if one must go, the other inevitably does as well.
I hate to only tell tales on the one – even though there are still more that could be shared. So, here’s a good one for the oldest of my two sons, we were driving home from work when he said, “I have to pop.” We tried to get him to hold it, but nothing was working, so we had to pull over onto a gravel road. All the while, we hoped that we wouldn’t end up with a ticket for indecent exposure due to his side of the road activities.
My son pulled down his pants to his knees and stayed standing there. I said, while shaking my head, “You can’t just stand there and poop.”
He replied, “Why?” and looked at me in confusion.
My response? “Because, if you do, your poop will land in your pants.”
I then had to demonstrate to him that he would need to bend over to make sure his butt was out over his pants.
Finally, he got it, and replied, “Okay, but I have to pee first.” Smart boy.
Needless to say, I’ve stood in the rain, snow, mud, and sun while waiting for one or both of them to finish their business alongside the road. We’ve contemplated taking an empty bottle along, but they are still in their five-point harnesses so we would have to stop anyway – what’s the point. I guess it would probably lessen the chance of us getting a ticket.
The Baby’s Explosive Diapers
The only problem with the baby has been explosive poops whereby the time we get her clothes off, she has poop from her neck to her feet. I guess there were several times when she was tiny that she would still be pooping when I would be getting ready to change her, and we called it the playdough factory. Our only issue now is that every time I try and change her, she flips over and starts crawling across the floor. She prefers no clothes and no diapers. It makes her more streamline.
Poop at the Hospital Parking Lot
I’ve got one last story. The other day my husband had to give blood for a blood test. After sitting in the car for a good thirty minutes, our youngest son said he had to go poop. Other than close my eyes and sigh, there wasn’t much else I could do. I got out and pulled everyone out of the car only to hear a farting sound. I turned, and he had his pants and underwear down to his knees.
I yelled, “No. You can’t poop here in the hospital parking lot.”
“But I’ve got to go.”
He looked at me like I was a crappy parent when I pulled up his pants, grabbed his hand, and said, “Let’s go. We don’t go outside when there is a perfectly good bathroom, right here.”
Bathroom humor really is fun. It must be, or us moms would sit around crying all day long.
While these stories occurred years ago, they are still good examples of the entertaining adventures that we’ve dealt with as parents. If nothing else, I hope these examples make you feel better as a parent.
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