Empowerment for Mothers
For some women, becoming a mother makes them confident, brave, fearless, and ready to conquer the world. For other women, becoming a mother brings uncertainty, fear of failure, isolation, and guilt.
I would love to say that when I became a mother, I was immediately the former. Unfortunately, I’ve had to endure my fair share of uncertainty and guilt. I became a mother, at the age of 37, through foster care-to 2 boys. Both age 2. No, they are not twins. There are 9 and a 1/2 months between them.
Uncertainty. Most of you won’t get this as I’m from an “older” generation, but I couldn’t even figure out how to change a diaper. When I was younger (years ago) and babysitting, the diapers had velcro and the tabs were stuck to the diaper. The tabs had to be pulled off of the diaper and then connected. On these new diapers, I couldn’t get the tab to pull off for anything. To my surprise and after 3 torn diapers, I finally discovered that the tabs are now are folded onto themselves.
If I wasn’t capable of opening a diaper tab, what was a doing being a mother?
Fear of failure. I scoured Pinterest searching for educational activities to do with/for the children. I had to prepare them educationally. Stat! However, most of my masterpieces became epic failures. I followed the exact same schedule that the daycare operated, so that they would have consistency; which unfortunately, included hour long power struggles over nap time. I freaked out when they didn’t listen from day one. I’m mean, really, why should they listen to me? They didn’t know me from the last stranger that they had been left with. What I came a crossed as was a neurotic, control freak.
Isolation. I had not told a soul outside of my immediate family that my husband and I were thinking of fostering. I had no one to bounce ideas off of. I didn’t talk to other foster parents. I was too introverted to make new friends. I couldn’t talk to my old friends. We were completely alone. Once we had the kids, we still isolated. My husband obsessed over the “State” thinking we weren’t good parents, so he didn’t want others involved in helping us raise the children. We were an island to ourselves.
Guilt. This one is one of my all time favorites. Guilt is a big motivator for me; partly due to my Christian upbringing and the rest is left up to my amazing, organized, OCD personality. Don’t get the wrong idea. It has to be my own internalized guilt. If someone try to use guilt against me, it backfires. I dig my heels in. Okay, my Dr. Scholl’s flats. I don’t wear heels!
I’m not going to claim that I’ve slayed all my demons, but I’ve worked on them throughout the years. Likely it has a lot to do with making it 5 years and our kids are still alive and none of them are in juvenile hall. Okay, they’re all under the age of 8.
Not to mention, I’ve been through hell and back with my family and I’m too exhausted to give a sh*t about what other people think.
I think all mothers deserve to reach a place where they are content with themselves and what they are doing with their families.
*As long as it is not illegal. I’m going to draw the proverbial line in the sand at that point. If you are doing something illegal with your children, read someone else’s posts for advice.
What have you learned about yourself as a parent? What was your weakest moment? Your strongest?
Check out my FREE Mini Course on Empowerment for Mothers: Reclaim Yourself.
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#reclaimyourself #empowermentformothers #fearoffailure #guilt #isolation #uncertainty #strongwomen #yourmorethanamother
Photo by Catherine McMahon on Unsplash
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