10 Ways to Connect with Your Spouse
If you aren’t married, please replace “spouse” with “significant other”.
What were your last 5 conversations with your spouse?
“Did you remember to take out the trash?”
“Why didn’t you get gas? You were the last one to drive the car.”
“Why did you forget to get trash bags? You knew it was trash day.”
“What is for supper?”
“You won’t believe what Bobby did today at school today.”
If these are reminiscent of the last conversations that you had with your spouse, you might need to work on your relationship. You’ve likely not only forgotten about yourself as a person, but also as a significant other. When was the last time you asked about his day and listened?
I know, he didn’t ask about yours either.
You were both too busy picking up the kids, going through backpacks to check for homework, cooking, cleaning, bathing the children, overseeing homework, putting everyone to bed, and mentally preparing to do it all again.
Or you were too busy doing all those things and he was sitting in the family room watching TV.
You need to make the time. Make it a part of your day to ask about his day. If he’s involved in outside activities, ask about those. If his entire identity is that of a father, encourage him to take time for himself as well.
On the other hand if he isn’t as involved with the children as you would like, then taking an interest in his needs might bridge a gap that you didn’t realize had been built with your all encompassing obsession with motherhood. He might resent the fact that you put both of your needs below those of your children. At one time, he was probably the light of your life.
He might even be jealous that the kids go to you, first, before him. Oh, he can pretend that he doesn’t have feelings, but he does.
10 Ways to Connect with Your Spouse
Think positive. It is easy to get caught up in what you think your spouse should have done. Remember, it is just as easy for him to do the same. Don’t think of your marriage as a chore. Think of it as something that you want to be in and focus on the good.
Physical touch. When you walk by, touch your spouse. Give a surprise hug. There is nothing stronger than a physical connection with those that you love.
Ask your spouse about their favorite things when they were a child. If you can, do them at random times during the year. For example, buy his favorite candy one day, send him a picture of his favorite toy the next month, etc.
Take his side. If your spouse is correcting one of your children, support and reinforce what he is saying. Even if you don’t agree or don’t understand the reasoning behind the rule. You can talk about that later in private. It will speak volumes to your children and your spouse.
Find out the reasoning behind his pet peeves with you and with your children. If they are in complete opposition to your views, try to find a way that both of your needs are filled.
Express your appreciation. Even if it is difficult, try to find one thing during the day that your spouse did something that helped solidify your family. When he does it, tell him how much you appreciated that he did it. Be sure that anything that he does for the children, they also express their gratitude for what he has done.
Bring up a cherished memory from before children. In front of your spouse, tell your children about something that you used to do as a couple. Talk about a movie you enjoyed. Show them your wedding photos. Share a vacation story from when you were originally together.
Make your spouse’s favorite meal. And serve it to him before you get the kid’s plates out.
Pay attention to things that your spouse uses on a daily basis and buy it before he tells you he needs it.
Go on a date. Get a babysitter and go to dinner. Sit down and eat like adults.
How have you shown your spouse your appreciation?
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